Slow and steady wins the race when it comes to fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and garden installations

I know it is officially autumn when the Japanese maple tree begins to change color. It has. The leaves dance in the breeze in colors ranging from russet red to bronze to a pale Granny Smith green. Fortunately, this tree holds on to its leaves a long time after they've changed color, so Hubby and I can enjoy them and savor their beauty.

With the cooler daytime temps, I've been able to go back out into the garden to do involved hardscape installation that I can't do in the summer heat. However, I do have to keep telling myself the old adage, "Slow and steady wins the race" and that it's perfectly okay to do things at a slower pace than what my creative imagination and my ambitious brain would like.

Last Saturday, Hubby and I went to our local landscaping yard and handpicked over 1500 lbs of beautiful moss-rock boulders of various smallish sizes. Actually, I picked and Hubby lifted. I wasn't able to help because of a minor fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue flare-up. He loaded each rock onto a palette. Then the landscaping yard guy came and picked it up with a forklift, drove it to the scale and then to our truck where employee unloaded the palette into our truck and Hubby was able to finally get a break. The poor little pickup was riding pretty low on the way home, but it handled the rocks like the champ it is.

My flare-up has been keeping me from moving forward with installing the rocks as the border for a future pea gravel and flagstone path down the side yard, so the truck it still sitting the driveway (very low) full of rocks.

I keep repeating to myself, "Slow and steady wins the race... Slow and steady wins the race."

Because I haven't pushed my body (as I often do) I'm feeling this flare-up wane already. And if I don't jump the gun and let it completely subside, I'll feel just fine to start hauling rocks around in a couple of days.  Then I can line the path in preparation for a pea gravel to be put in so flagstone can be set in it.

I just have to remind myself, "Slow and steady wins the race... Slow and steady wins the race." You know, now that I think about it, I feel a little like Dory on Finding Nemo.

Pain, pain go away come again some other day

Notes to self:

1. When it is excruciatingly hot and humid outside, don't try to fill up the green waste cans just because collection is the next day.
2. When Hubby tells you it's time to come inside... listen to him.
3. When you are staggering from heat exhaustion, don't try to do just "one more thing" even if it's just bending over to pick up your pruners.
4. When you feel a tweak in your sciatic region, ice it immediately and don't let it get so aggravated that it goes into full spasm.
5. When you ignore all of the above advice (because you know you will): lay down; let your back heal; don't try to go out and photograph anything; go through your archives of thousands of photos to find one to post (like the one above); re-post-process the photo on your iPad while you're still laying down... and try not to be too wistful about how you could be escaping this blistering heat someplace else cooler not too far of a drive away if you would have followed "notes to self" 1 through 4.

By the way, I shot the above photo 

while I was looking up 

from the streets of San Francisco's historic Chinatown 

on a visit a few summers ago.

Feeling grateful for the right off-ramps and interchanges in life

Some of you may not know that I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. [I usually don't write about it here and choose to write about it on my health blog, Could Be Worse... Could Be Raining (click here to go there).]

I have days and weeks when I can accomplish more than others. This week is turning out to be in the "others" category.

When I'm facing a stretch of time when I'm physically unable to accomplish as much as my busy brain would like me to get done, the last thing I should do is to fret about what I'm not getting done. The stress from fretting can actually exacerbate my fibro/CFS and make it worse. So I have to get really "zen" and figure out other things to occupy my brain.

Fortunately, there's always plenty of great reading I can do. Because of my last couple of posts and the comments that followed, I bought a Kindle version of Barbara Sher's book Refuse to Choose: A Revolutionary Program for Doing Everything That You Love, and I've been reading it on my iPad. So far I'm liking the book. I still don't know if I fall into the category of personality type the book is geared toward, but it's always good to get a fresh perspective.

A while back, I wrote the following on my health blog. It's been something on my mind for over a week. I decided I'd republish it here... just because.

I've always loved maps, so a few years ago I came up with an analogy that I picture at times like this... 

I imagine a paper road map of the state of California all unfolded and spread out. I'm like an ant crawling along on the map, only able to see a giant ink line in front of me. Sometimes I can't even tell what that ink line's name is, but I just continue to follow it. Then there is God--the holder of the map. From His perspective He can see the map in its entirety and can see the things my ant eyes cannot see from my limited vantage point. He can see that the black ink line I'm following is actually a road--Interstate 5 to be exact. And if I continue traveling in the direction I'm headed, I will eventually reach a wonderful destination--Disneyland! My loving Heavenly Father can see each leg of my journey plainly. He knows there are off-ramps and interchanges I need to take in order to continue to head in the right direction. He knows there are some odd little towns I must pass through. He knows there are rest areas along the way. He knows there are incorrect off-ramps I could take if I'm not paying attention to His navigational guidance, and I can get lost. But if I'm ever lost and wandering, He's always there to navigate me back to the road I need to be on whenever I'm ready to finally listen again.

Since we bought our home almost 13 years ago, there were times that it seemed overwhelmingly urgent to do something that seemed completely out of sync with the monumental "to do" list of DIY projects we had in front of us. The tasks that leapfrogged ahead of the rest, always seemed rather "low priority" at the time they were being promoted to the top of the list. But looking back, I can see the map analogy in play. Every time I felt that sense of urgency, I listened. And each time, I had the energy and the resources to accomplish the task I was feeling needed to be done.

Some completed accomplishments have proven to be the things that have kept us safe like when I felt the urgency to tear out the sheet rock in the garage. To our surprise, we found the exterior load-bearing wall was so riddled with old termite damage only a few studs were holding our garage and second story up and the corner post holding up the front corner of the garage came off in my hand. Our good friend is a termite inspector. After determining there were no active termites, he was able to hook us up with a crew that came and put in a temporary bracing wall right away. Two weeks after that bracing wall was complete, we had an earthquake with an epicenter so close to us (only about 15 miles away) our friend told us had we not discovered what we had, our garage wall would have collapsed in the shaking and taken our newly remodeled master bedroom on the second story with it.

Some completed accomplishments have proven to simply be necessary for our contentment and comfort during the times when I haven't had the energy and resources to do anything but sit and enjoy them. The first winter we were here we discovered a drainage problem-spot in our back garden where water pooled. I felt the overwhelming need to go out and start digging with the shovel in the sloppy rain-soaked clay soil. All that digging ended up producing a 1200 gallon pond and was my introduction to water gardening. That pond soon became the central water source for our backyard wildlife habitat. Years later, the pond is full of naturalized water lilies, water grasses, hundreds of mosquito fish and has been the birthplace of many dragonfly and damselfly nymphs. Now, years later, when I don't have physical energy, I can sit at the pond's edge and just "be". The calming sound of the waterfall soothes me and my brain calms down. I don't fret about the tasks I'm not able to tackle.

Over and over through these last 13 years, I have been the little ant on the map. I've tried very hard to listen to what off-ramps I needed to take. Because I listened, my Heavenly Father was able to direct me on how to provide myself with the "rest areas" I would need in the future--the places of respite I need now. He knew I'd need them, even though I didn't.

When I sit my fatigued body in the chaise lounge under the shade of the oleander and wisteria and watch the birds coming and going from the bird fountain, I am reminded again. I felt so strongly we needed to put a bird fountain in the back garden last year. Despite Hubby's perplexed looks at my instance we needed one more water feature, we did. And the blessings are evident now.

I am grateful and hope that I can always be the little ant that listens to the One who holds the map.

I have no affiliation with the book mentioned in this post.

I don't receive any compensation for having mentioned the book.

I don't receive any compensation for you clicking the link 

that I've provided for your convenience.

All is right with the world... until it isn't

The above photograph is a perfect metaphor for my life right now. I took this photograph last week because the garden was finally trimmed and coifed and looking like I want it to look. When I sit down not far from the spot pictured above and relax in my chaise lounge, I finally don't feel the compulsion to go over my to-do list because of all the things I see that need doing.

After I took this photograph and was post-processing it on my computer, I took a closer look...

That's poop. Probably grey fox poop (otherwise called "scat"). Or maybe it's raccoon poop. But it's still poop.

Even when I thought I had everything tidied up and "just so", I discovered later that there's poop in the scene.

Why is this a metaphor for my life?

In my last post, I wrote about the wonderful experience Hubby and I had enjoying the summer solstice in our back garden and the miraculous sighting I had of a grey fox. To quote A Christmas Story, "All was right with the world."

Little did I know that 24 hours later I would be laying on a gurney in the ER waiting for the results to come back from a chest x-ray, ultrasound and blood tests to determine why I had pain in my upper right abdomen and chest.

I had already determined that I could thank the heavy cream in the Coldstone Creamery ice cream I had the evening before (just before enjoying the summer solstice). Before heading to the ER on Friday evening (in rush hour traffic), my general practitioner had seen me in his office right before closing for the weekend. He concurred that my suspicion was probably correct about the ice cream (since I usually don't indulge in heavy creams and fats). He thought I might have a clogged bile duct in my gallbladder and strongly (STRONGLY) suggested I go to the ER to have further tests done. What I wanted to do was just go home. I asked if I just couldn't do that. He said no. The possibility of an infection was a risk I shouldn't take, in his opinion.

So I went to the ER. Such a "fun" and "romantic" way to spend a Friday night with your Hubby, don't you think?

By 10:30 pm, I was being sent home (the place where I'd wanted to go in the first place). My heart was fine (I knew that). The ultrasound showed I didn't have any gallstones (that was good). But... BUT... the ultrasound showed that my liver is enlarged.

Great.

So just like the metaphorical photograph above, I thought after my surgery a year and a half ago that I had everything cleaned and tidied up inside me, and I was ready to get on with my life. But then along comes an enlarged liver (my proverbial pile of poop) to besmirch the tranquility of my path forward.

There are many things that can cause an enlarged liver. I have my suspicions what has caused mine, because I've had some definite warning signs.  I still have to consult with my general practitioner after more blood tests to try and determine the true root cause. The past few days have been uncomfortable and achey as all the muscles on the right side of my torso try to recover from the muscles spasms I had for about 36 hours straight. I'm eating foods that are high in antioxidants to give my body the tools to reduce the swelling, and I'm paying close attention to what foods make me feel worse and what foods don't.

Needless to say, I can't garden like I want to, and the Cecile Brunner roses that were ready to go into the ground last week are still in pots waiting. Fortunately, I got a lot of cleanup done over the past month so I can go out and sit in my chaise lounge under the wisteria and just relax instead of compulsively seeing things that need to be added to my to-do list. That's the good thing.


Now if the washing machine hadn't decided to freak out and start making a horrendous racket today, I'd be set. *wink*

Living the Lilac Principle

Ahhhh... lilacs. My favorite flower. I'll bet some of you thought my favorite flower was the rose. Nope. Lilacs are my fave, hands down. But because they only bloom once a year, roses are a great second-best flower that blooms more often.

You know the old phrase, "Stop and smell the roses"? I think stopping to smell the lilacs is even more important since their luscious blooms only happen for a short time each year. I have to remember to jam my nose into their blooms (checking for bees first, of course) and drink up all their sweet fragrance often before it's gone.

As I walk by the lilac hedge that grows along one of the main pathways from the garden to the garage and the front of the house if the lilacs are in bloom I slow down... pause... drink in the lilac's fragrance and beauty... then try to let that fragrance and beauty soak into my core so I can hold it there for the whole year.

I'm learning at the ripe old age of 45, I need to adopt that same approach with other things in my life besides the lilacs.

I've decided to call it the Lilac Principle.

My personality tendency is to find the fastest, most accurate, and most efficient way to accomplish anything (and I mean anything). But whether I like it or not my body has been forcing me to slow down. In the last few months I've discovered that I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. The two are often companion autoimmune issues particularly in women whose bodies have been hammered with the stress of advanced endometriosis. For me, the pain of the fibromyalgia is manageable with prescription medication (thank goodness) but the chronic fatigue apparently isn't. Chronic fatigue has to be managed with nutrition and lifestyle changes.

For years I've operated like a racehorse. When I'm feeling good I pile on as many physical projects as I can and go-go-go until I reach the finish line. Then, like a racehorse that's been run hard, I'd collapse in exhaustion and say to myself, "It's a good thing I got all that done before I felt bad again."

I can't do that anymore.

Chronic fatigue can be treated by light exercise and reducing stress. More than one source has stated that it is important to not overdo it on days when one is feeling good or the rebound crash will make things worse.

So instead of allowing myself to be like a racehorse (like I naturally want to be), I have to learn to be more like a plow horse that plods along at a slow and steady pace getting a job done but doing it much slower than a racehorse would like.

That's hard.

But I'm learning it is possible if I apply the Lilac Principle. Slow down... pause... drink in the moment... let the peace of the moment soak in to my core... and repeat.

Does anyone else have a way that you deal with chronic fatigue?

I'd really appreciate your insights

Paths

When we visited the Japanese tea gardens last month, I was intrigued by a couple of the paths that led over bodies of water. From a distance, the paths seemed like any other stone path, but when I got closer and began to traverse the path to get across the water I realized how treacherous the cracks between the stones were. I realized one false move could easily result in my foot going in between the stones and a nasty fall would follow. I had to carefully navigate from one stone to another to get to my destination. If I wanted to take a look around me to enjoy the beauty while I was on the path (like the purple Japanese water iris growing out in the water), I had to stop in order to take my eyes off the stones. It was only when I could give my undivided attention to the path again that I continued moving forward.

This path is a perfect metaphor for so many things in my life--actually a perfect metaphor for my life's journey in general.

Increasingly since this last spring, I've faced some health challenges that I haven't wanted to admit I was facing. Right now, I feel like I'm in the middle of a giant broken stone path that crosses water I don't want to fall into. Every step has to be made carefully and thoughtfully. One of my ways to deal with it is to write about it. But since I didn't want to fill my creative blog with the sarcastic humor that I tend to rely on to keep from whining, I decided to resurrect my health blog, rename it, and use it as an outlet.

So for those of you that want to follow my creative pursuits unencumbered with detours, just continue to read my posts here.

Anyone else interested in the "saga" of my health issues can go over to the newly dubbed "Could be worse... could be raining" blog I've dedicated to documenting my attempts at finding wellness and humor while living with the disease endometriosis [reading the health blog's revamped right sidebar and then clicking on the button that says "The Halloween that changed my life" is the best way to get up to speed].

Swimming in a sea of lilacs

Many years ago I had a horrible virus that settled into my lungs and ended up as a case of "walking pneumonia". Little did I know at the time that the virus also settled into one of the discs between two vertebrae in my back, causing degeneration in that disc. When my doc discovered it over a decade later, he was puzzled. The disc that showed degeneration on the x-ray is one that rarely experiences degeneration because it's the transitional disc from the lower to upper vertebrae and doesn't usually get injured. After some detective work, it was determined that the bad respiratory infection almost 15 years prior was the culprit.

Over time, the disc has caused me issues, causing the pain to get progressively worse. By the fall and winter of 2008-2009, I was having to cut back my gardening activities significantly and was desperate for relief. When Hubby received a small-ish annual bonus from his employer last spring, he was generous enough to use it to purchase a hot tub for me so I could find some relief. Thanks to hydrotherapy in the hot tub, my pain has decreased so significantly I am able to work in the garden again this year and once again do the things I love to do. Even though I promised to do the water condition maintenance in the hot tub, Hubby has also sweetly done that for me too. And when I need some hydrotherapy he gallantly removes the cover for me so I don't strain my back. I know it probably sounds like I'm gushing, but my husband really is an amazingly giving man (who is probably blushing right now).

Fortuitously, the largest of my warmer climate lilac bushes has grown into a wonderful tall screen between the deck and the neighbor's yard right where the hot tub is located. When I sit out in the hot tub, this is the view I see right now (see below)...



When I sit in the hot tub, I feel like I'm swimming in a sea of lilacs and can't get enough of their wonderful heady fragrance or the gorgeous sight of their amethyst blossoms. Can you tell lilacs are my favorite flower?

Hubby and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary this past Saturday. When he asked me what I wanted to do for our anniversary and wondered if I wanted to take a little overnight getaway somewhere, I seriously considered it. Then I said that I'd rather spend the money on something for the garden that would be permanent (my motto is, "Don't give me diamonds... give me garden tools"). Of course I already had something in mind. I've been wanting to build a raised pond basin in a spot that has drainage issues anyway. I usually reuse materials from around the garden, but this time I didn't have enough and needed to splurge on retaining wall blocks.

We went to Lowe's on Friday evening and got all the blocks we needed (72 to be exact). I had planned to unload all the blocks from the back of the truck on Saturday and do the wall-building myself while Hubby did whatever he wanted during the day. But again, my chivalrous husband insisted that he would do the off-loading out of the truck so I could focus on building the basin. By late Saturday afternoon, it looked like this (see below)...



I definitely couldn't have tackled this job without the blessing of the hot tub or the tremendous help of my sweet husband who was willing to spend our anniversary doing this (which I know he really didn't want to do but did anyway).

Lest you think I'm completely unromantic... after getting ourselves cleaned up, we went out to dinner for a "proper" anniversary celebration. Hauling rocks, building a pond, and then eating a nice dinner... that's my kind of anniversary.

Late Bloomers

Yesterday, I took a stroll around the garden with my camera because the sun was just perfect for shooting. Usually at this time of year, I'm shooting autumn leaves, rose hips, and other autumnal details. On my garden tour, I was surprised to find some late blooms in little nooks and crannies. I found a lovely cluster of white Buddleia blooms ("Butterfly Bush") attracting small skipper butterflies in the front garden. And in a protected spot under the plum tree and pomegranate bush in the back garden, I found a beautiful late hibiscus bloom.

I can relate to these late bloomers, because I am also a "late bloomer". Coming up on October 31st, is the 4th anniversary of when I was given a new life at almost 40--the Halloween that changed my life. I've reflected a lot on this major milestone this past week. I've reflected on the reality of being a "late bloomer" because of the health challenges I faced for almost 25 years up until 2005.

During those almost 25 years, I found myself wondering why I couldn't "get it together" and why I wasn't accomplishing and achieving things like my peers. I felt like a failure most of the time because I had vision but couldn't follow through with what I could see. It was so hard trying to maintain a sense of self-esteem amidst so many setbacks. My misconception was that I thought I had to accomplish and achieve everything while I was in my 20's and 30's in order to lay the groundwork for the rest of my life... silly me.

It turns out that I am a "late bloomer". And I am in very good company. The fallacy that everyone achieves success early in their adulthood is so untrue. And what is even more untrue is that all one's formal learning opportunities end once one ages out of one's 20's. Yes, that is the traditional age when a lot of individuals pursue a college/university education. But there are so many of us that, for whatever reason, wait until later to pursue our educational goals and dreams. There are also many of us that don't find our true life's passion until later when we understand ourselves more.

I am grateful that I live in a time when I don't have to have crammed every pursuit of every dream into my 20's and 30's, or I will have missed the boat altogether. I am grateful that I live in a time when modern medicine is advanced enough to give me a new life after 40. I am grateful that I am a "late bloomer".

Juicy Plums for Independence Day

A bountiful harvest has begun here at Rosehaven Cottage thanks to one Santa Rosa plum tree that is laden with so much fruit some of its boughs are bending and touching the ground. This is really exciting for me because this is the first year that the tree has actually produced more than 1 or 2 plums. I LOVE plums (Hubby doesn't like them) so I am thrilled!

Some of you may remember that I wrote about this plight earlier in the year when the tree was blossoming as I shared some photos of the lovely spring plum blossoms. Now the majority of those blossoms have become luscious plums that are ripening at varying rates all over the tree.

Because sitting under the plum tree is one of my favorite daily activities, I have been watching and gently hand-checking the fruit each time I'm out there. Early in the ripening stages when a plum that's been within my reach has been ripe enough, I've plucked it from the tree and eaten it right there. Yummy!

Well, now that the number of plums that are ripe has increased, I was able to take my harvest basket out and pick the first bunch of plums all at once. That was a real treat!

The plums came inside and went into this nifty rinsing basket that Hubby has in the kitchen (the kitchen is Hubby's domain, by the way). After a good rinse in some cool water, the plums were covered with droplets and were very photogenic (as you can see in the photos above).

Of course I've eaten the perfectly ripe ones as a wonderful sweet treat as part of my breakfast, lunch, or dinner. As the others ripen, I'm going to try my hand at making homemade fruit leather with our home dehydrator. I'll make sure and photographically document the process when I do so I can share.

Now why, you may ask, am I featuring these fresh fruits on America's Independence Day?

Well, today is also my own Independence Day. It was two years ago today that I made the life-changing decision to eat, eat well, and gain my independence from the burdens of a chronic illness as well as OCD-related anxiety and depression. Along with adopting the WeightWatchers lifestyle, I consciously chose to no longer consume any hydrogenated oils and products (trans fats) while increasing my consumption of Omega-3 fatty acids in the form of walnuts and other nuts. I also chose to eat instead of continuing the pattern of "forgetting" to eat all day--a pattern that was taking me down a very unhealthy road and had caused my metabolism to grind to a halt. July 4, 2006 was a very big milestone day for me, to say the least.

As I've traveled this interesting health-focused journey for the past 2 years, I've come to love simple and luscious foods like these plums that I'm harvesting off our tree. Grown organically (as all the other produce in our garden), these plums are more than a summer treat for me. Instead, I see each one as a small package of health and wellness ready for me to consume and gain its benefits--the most profound benefit being independence.

Happy Independence Day!

Links to my writing on the Rosehaven Cottage Health, Wellness, and Food blog:
A Delicious Way to Get My Veggies
"Cute Attacks" and Feeling Healthy
Managing Anxiety and Depression with Nutrition

Links to spiritually-based resources at Provident Living:
Helpful Information on Social and Emotional Strength
Physical Health

Click here to follow me on Twitter

Good Nuts versus Bad N.U.T.'s

Head on over to the Rosehaven Cottage Health, Wellness & Food blog to read the latest post on Good Nuts versus Bad N.U.T.'s.

We have a wonderful new distinction!

We are so pleased to announce that Rosehaven Cottage's Health, Wellness & Food blog has been invited to be a Featured Publisher on foodbuzz--an online community for foodies!

Of course we graciously accepted the invitation and can finally make the announcement now that everything has been finalized.

We are so excited to be a part of this new foodie community and hope that many of our regular readers will take the opportunity to "buzz" on over to FoodBuzz and check it out!

All photographs featured here can be made available as unframed or framed prints, high-quality posters,
bound journals, tile coasters, keepsake boxes, greeting cards or a variety of other products.

Please email Cindy at rosehaven_cottage@yahoo.com for customization information.

Don't hesitate to ask about a special request.

Check out our online store to see the variety of products available and pricing.

I Got My Birthday Wish!

Click this link to see what I got for my birthday!

"Cute Attacks" and Feeling Healthy

Recently, I was listening to Dr. Christiane Northrup on a PBS special where she was talking about a way to create positive chemical and hormonal reactions inside one's body to encourage health. She said that the easiest way for a woman to do it is to think of something that makes her inner nurturing core glow.

Dr. Northrup gave examples. For some it is the thought of a newborn baby. For others it is the thought of baby birds or puppies. For some (like me) it is the thought of baby kittens. It's the "ahhhhh" response (or "cute attack" as we call it in our home) that gets all those good juices firing off inside us and creating health and wellness.

In other words, it's an antedote for all the stress responses that we are barraged with daily.


I've been trying to consciously practice this more often. I don't have a very hard time with my husband around. Every time a cute kitty pops on a cat food commerical, he pauses the DVR and runs it back so we can watch it (sometimes in slow motion). "Ahhhhhh!" we both say over and over. Now that I know it's actually good for me, it just makes it easier to give myself permission to engage in this somewhat silly but fulfilling behavior.

Well, besides baby kittens and fluffy felines on cat food commercials, one of the things that spawns a "cute attack" for me is the sight of a kitty cat lazing in a patch of sunshine. It doesn't have to be one of our own, either. We can be driving through town, and I'll want to slow down when I spot a kitty lounging on a porch or front walk. It's just something I do.

In our own home, I've encountered the sight a lot over the past couple of days (probably because of the sunny summer days we've had of late). Sometimes I've found them in the Tiki Room (named as such because of the vintage Hawaiian decor of this western facing sunroom we have). Other times I've found one of them lolling out the diamond-shaped openings in the Casa Grande cat condo into the rays of sunshine that spill in the windows of my studio. Then other times, I've found them spread out around me early in the morning on our bed that catches the first ray's of the day's dawn.

So today I felt like sharing some of my "cute attacks" that I've photographed. Enjoy and be healthy!

New Beginnings

Life has a way of coming together in just the right ways at just the right times.

On a lazy Saturday morning, my husband, Brent, was listening to a podcast by Leo LaPorte that mentioned blogs. That led Brent to ask me if I would be interested in having a more formal blog than the one I had on Bebo . That led to a discussion of having my own website which led to securing http://www.rosehavencottage.com/ as my domain with BlueHost as my hosting service (this all happened in a matter of about 45 minutes mind you).

Then I plopped myself down to eat a late WeightWatchers-friendly breakfast and the TV was on our local PBS station (because Brent’s regular Saturday shows on that channel). It was pledge time so Dr. Cristiane Northrup pops up with a new show on life beyond menopause for women. I LOVE her books and have found so much happiness and wellness from her medical wisdom. So I found myself watching that show and it ended up being all about women reinventing themselves! Which is exactly what this Saturday morning had already been about!

That’s why I say… life has a way of coming together in just the right ways at just the right times.

This is not an accident. I know it’s not. It all fits together too perfectly to be an accident. I know I am being led through this process of finding myself at the tender age of 40.

It all started a year and a half ago on Halloween 2005 when I found myself in post-op after having spent 3+ hours on an operating table having a hysterectomy that included the removal of 20+ years worth of never-before-detected endometriosis scarring that had fused all my reproductive organs together as well as fusing the mass to other internal organs. Surprise Doc! She thought she was only going in to remove some ovarian cysts and perform a routine hysterectomy. Her surprise was actually my vindication, because it finally explained the hell I’d been living through almost my entire life.

The next year was filled with healings and awakenings. An excitement kept building within me. I was getting a chance to start my life! It was such a freeing and unique feeling to feel like I actually had a life. I thought I’d had one before but I hadn’t really. The world was my oyster! What to do, what to do!

One of the first significant things I did was to join WeightWatchers online through my Kaiser Permanente membership on July 4th just two months before my 40th birthday. July 4th is now my personal Independence Day. That was such a wonderful step toward caring for my body with good nutrition and a healthy lifestyle that I hadn’t known how to maintain before.

The next significant thing I did was to venture out into the world of eBay in order to sell some vintage items for my neighbor as a favor to help her out after there were some unsold things at a yard sale she held in the heat of August. The learning curve was easy thanks to eBay University. I learned how easy it was to ship items (even to foreign countries). The thing that helped me go through the learning process so easily was that I was doing this for someone else—I didn’t feel like it was my own moneymaking scheme (something I loathe). It was a “charitable act” so all the mental blocks that I normally would have had were gone. During the process, I learned about eBay stores and opened my own in order to reduce the fees. I named it Rosehaven Cottage after our own sweet little home of the same name. It stayed dormant for most of its early existence—something for which I felt horribly guilt but now realize it was all part of a larger picture I couldn’t see at the time.

Then came the major step in November 2006 of us completing a major phase in our home remodeling—the master bedroom suite. It enabled us to finally move upstairs and utilize the entire square footage of our home. Spreading out finally allowed my creative juices to not be blocked like they had been for the past 6 years. By vacating the bedroom that had been ours during all the remodeling, I finally had the studio space that I had dreamed of for 6 long years! I could finally “breath” creatively. I could finally think. I could finally be the artist and creator that I’d once been so long ago that it seemed like a different lifetime.

But having the space and having the courage to use it are two very different things indeed. It’s scary to finally have permission to be creative again. It’s intimidating. It’s overwhelming. It’s in need of a good swift kick in the rear!

That kick in the rear came in January 2007 when a long-term temporary houseguest moved into the room that was still not serving as my creative space (too scary, remember). The 16-year-old boy that moved in gave us a taste of parenthood that we had never had the privilege of having. It was wonderful, overwhelming, sometimes stressful, and overall fun. We enjoyed his company for 8 weeks, which ended when we took a vacation to O’ahu to celebrate our anniversary, and he moved back home.

Why is this relevant? I’m still not sure, except it just is. I found myself in Hawai’i with our little digital camera (that we had with us on every vacation) on the beach at Turtle Bay on the tranquil North Shore taking photos of crabs and tide pools. Then I brought the camera the few yards back to our beachfront cottage to download the images to our laptop so I had more memory available in the camera to take more photos. As I looked at the images on the laptop, I realized that I had forgotten how much I loved photography. I was also anxious to share my photos with my husband because he couldn’t climb around on the rocks like I could (he has neuropathy in his feet due to diabetes). As I shared the images with him, I realized I had a passion and talent for capturing how I see the world in photographic images. And those images were beautiful. I shot photos the rest of the time we were there on the island.

I came home with a rediscovered passion of photography, a newly vacated room that would become my studio, a physical energy that I hadn’t ever experienced before in my life, and a drive to do something with it.

Shortly after coming home, I built a free website on freewebs to share my portfolio with my family and friends. I was feeling passionate about something, and it felt so good that I had to share it.

Then within a week or so I read an article in the April issue of Reader’s Digest talking about PhotoShelter being a place to archive photos and share them with members of the photographic community (including potential buyers). For an introvert like me, this was the perfect forum I needed. It was exactly the next step I needed to take to gain confidence to really investigate how to share my photography with a broader audience then just my sweet Hubby.

Everything else has cascaded from there… buying a new Sony Alpha 100 for higher resolution photos; buying a wonderful Canon PixmaPro 9000 photo printer on close-out at our local CompUSA that was going out of business; discovering the wonderful world of informative podcasts on iTunes; spending more time in my backyard wildlife habitat taking photos of the flora and fauna I am so fortunate to be surrounded by everyday; getting amazing support from friends and family as I share my personal passion with them; starting an Etsy store to showcase and sell my textile pieces; and most importantly, realizing that although all this technology seems to have created a frenetically-paced life for a large portion of society, it has actually allowed me to slow down and enjoy life in the simplistic way that it is meant to be enjoyed and savored while connecting me with friends that I never would have met without the technology of the internet.

I truly found life at 40. This is my new beginning.

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